Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
