hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
