Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
