I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
