New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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