We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
