ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
