windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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