I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
