amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
