I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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