Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
