Yo dont text me then not text me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
