you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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