Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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