I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
