I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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