Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
