Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
