I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
