another moral hangover. fuck.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
