Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
