So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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