he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize