Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
