If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want nice things and good sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
