can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize