dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
