I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
