we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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