Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
