sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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