It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
