Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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