Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
