Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize