the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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