Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
