I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
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