I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
