tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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