Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
