i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize