come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
