It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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