I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize