Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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