What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
