you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
