did you get engaged???
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
