My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
