he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
