High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
