Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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