2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
