I cannot find my penis.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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