just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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