I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
