if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
