mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
