I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
