Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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