now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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