Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
