apparently the secret to your success is patron
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
