out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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