i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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