That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
