yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
