I think my vagina is haunted
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You have to summon your inner elephant
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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