Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
