You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
