yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She needs sedatives and a leash
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize