My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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